Man cuts off own hand, Laser TV, SerioOver-due Library Book

Added: Jan 18, 2008

From: kplrtv

Duration: 2:9

HOWDY NERDS. READY FOR ANOTHER FIX OF THE WEIRD STUFF. WELL LOOK NO FURTHER BECAUSE THIS IS "BARELY NEWS. I'M KURT LABELLE WITH MORE OF WHAT YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR... ## A MAN WHO BELIEVED HE BORE THE 'MARK OF THE BEAST' USED A CIRCULAR SAW TO CUT OFF ONE HAND, THEN HE COOKED IT IN THE MICROWAVE AND CALLED POLICE, AUTHORITIES SAID. THE MAN, IN HIS MID-20S, WAS CALM WHEN SHERIFF'S DEPUTIES ARRIVED AT HIS HOME IN HAYDEN, IDAHO. HE IS NOW IN PROTECTIVE CUSTODY IN THE MENTAL HEALTH UNIT OF KOOTENAI MEDICAL CENTER. SHERIFF'S CAPT BEN WOLFINGER SAID THE HAND, "HAD BEEN SOMEWHAT COOKED BY THE TIME THE DEPUTY ARRIVED'. ## THOSE MAD SCIENTISTS AT MITSUBISHI HAVE BUILT THE ULTIMATE ENTERTAINMENT WEAPON—THE LASER TV! LASERS SHOOTING OUT OF A TELEVISION SCREEN ISN'T AS SCARY AS IT MAY SOUND. BUT IT DOES HAVE ONE BIG BENEFIT-COLOR. LASERS CAN BE TUNED TO THE EXACT WAVELENGTH OF LIGHT YOU LIKE—DOWN TO THE NANOMETER. AND HAS A BETTER RESOLUTIOJN THAN A HD TV! SO THROW YOUR NEW FLAT SCREEN AWAY. ITS OBSOLETE. MITSUBISHI CLAIMS THIS ALLOWS THEM TO REPRODUCE ABOUT 80 PERCENT OF ALL THE COLORS HUMANS CAN SEE—VERSUS ABOUT 40 PERCENT FOR OTHER TVS. ## IF YOU'VE EVER BORROWED A BOOK FROM THE LIBRARY... THEN YOU KNOW YOU HAVE TO RETURN IT ON TIME. THE BOOK - A BIOGRAPHY TITLED DU BARRY WAS DUE ON SEPTEMBER 15,TH 1959. IT'S ABOUT ONE OF LOUIS THE 15TH'S MISTRESSES. AND IT SUDDENLY ARRIVED AT THE BEDFORD MASSACHUTTES PUBLIC LIBRARY. WHEN LIBRARY DIRECTOR RICHARD CALLAGHAN LOOKED AT THE BOX HE SAY FEW CLUES. THE POSTAGE WAS PAID IN CALIFORNIA. BUT THE RETURN RECIPIENT IS A SO-CALLED I. M. LAYTE WHO LIVES ON RUEFUL WAY. ON THE BACK COVER IT SAYS THE BOOK SHOULD HAVE BEEN OUT 14 DAYS. THE LATE FEEWS WERE 2 CENTS A DAY. 48 YEARS LATER THIS PERSON OWES $350 IN LATE FEES. BUT LIBRARIANS HAVE A SWEET SIDE. IF THEY KNEW WHO RETURNED THE BOOK THEY WOULD NOT CHARGE THE FEE. ## WELL I HOPE YOUR WEEK WASN'T TOO TAXIUNG. FOR BARELY NEWS I'M KURT LABELLE. I'LL SEE YOU MONDAY WITH MORE BARELY NEWS.

Channel: Entertainment

Tags: barely  cw11  hand  laser  news  tabloid  tv  weird 

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